The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
