thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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