yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We had to coat check the pizza.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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