when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
