I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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