If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I party with great urgency now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
