You're so nebulous sometimes
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
