people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
