Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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