she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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