you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
