I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
