her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
