Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize