Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
