Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
