Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
