i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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