No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
