oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
