I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My hand turned me down
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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