K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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