It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
