This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they're like a gay fantastic four
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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