no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
