Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
