She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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