Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
