Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
