I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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