so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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