Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
