So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
