So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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