and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
