Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
