Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
