I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
