I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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