I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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