Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
