TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
