I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
