Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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