Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
