Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"it" just moved
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
