I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
