Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
