whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
