Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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