update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
