My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
