If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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