The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
