Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
