girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
