We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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