I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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