i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her vagine was all disorganized.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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