Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You did what with his pubic hair?
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