I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
