Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
