she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
