Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
