i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
