Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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