That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's shark week go big or go home
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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