so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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